Oi! Me!

I wrote a diary in my mid to late teens and very early twenties.

I still have one of the volumes somewhere, and to anyone who happened to read it it would be nothing more than the petty and inane drbblings of an idiot. Which is exactly what it is.

I know the character it portrays very well though. I used to be him, and I still share many of his traits, so I have a special insight into him. I remember the circumstances of all of the entries extremely clearly, simply because I wrote them down and periodically read through them again over the years.

I also left little dated annotations as I re-read entries, mainly criticisms of my younger self which serve to highlight the prejudices, broader attitudes and increasing wisdom (gained via the cunning use of hindsight) of various older selves.

Here's the thing though; I can clearly recall that I felt the emotions and believed in the world-view that I expressed in those diaries (and the annotations) but I can't really say that I can recreate that mental state in my present self; I can only remember it. Not in the way that I would remember a third party from the past as such because, apart from anything else, I was party to the motivations and immediate emotional context of my actions and feelings, but I still feel strangely detached from that version of me from half a lifetime ago.

So this is for the me in ten years who might not be able to fully appreciate what it was like to be the me of 2009.

It's OK I suppose.

Better than being the me of 1990.