down as it is about writing something every day in the hope that I might improve my writing skills. Part of the plan is to write it out as it comes to me so there will be no redrafting or editing (unless someone threatens to sue me; which seems unlikely since that would require that somebody reads it...)
So, to begin on a downbeat, my cat died on Thursday.
she was euthenised by the vet because she had a cancerous brain lesion and I have to admit that I have taken it quite badly.
She had been unwell for about a year and despite various visits to the vet and close observation the vet was unable to determine what the problem was. This, I suspect, is because they weren't paying attention.
MyI first noticed that she wasn't herself last April and took her to the vet, where I explained that she was hiding herself away, not grooming herself properly, was dribbling and seemed a little unsteady on her feet. I suspected that she had had a stroke or something. The vet gave me something that amounted to prozac for cats; which she was happy to take and it seemed to bring her back towards to her old self again for a time. But it was a surface thing - she just didn't care so much that she was terminally ill and for a week or two I thought she was improving - these 'mini recoveries' where quite frequent over her final year although each one would be short and far from complete.
So for 11 months she would make, what was for her, the stressful visit to the vet (on the bus because driving is a filthy habbit - what makes you think I want to breath in all those disgusting fumes?) where she would be in such a state of agitation that proper diagnosis was difficult, until, eventually, the vet conceded that proper extensive (and expensive) investigatory procedures where required and she was booked in for x-rays, blood tests and a throat exam. Clearly this would be dangerous because she would require a general anesthetic and in her condition she could fail to recover conciousness.
So I took her in at 8am and was told to expect a call to collect her at 4pm.
At 4.30pm I was a wee bit worried, so I called the vet and after a delay the receptoinist said that she was still under the anasthetic and the vet would call me soon. This made me more worried so I found a distraction and waited.
At 5.15pm the vet called and told me that she was dieing and asked permission to put her to sleep, and I consented.
It's strange, but on the phone to the vet I was fairly together and unemotional - I was dealing with very serious business and wanted to keep my thinking straight I suppose. But as soon as I out the phone down I started blubbering like a two year old and didn't stop for four hours.
Remember the distraction when I was waiting for the vet to call? Well that consisted of writing a facetios email about Buckminster Fuller to my friend R, which soon descended into me discussing my worries about my pet, which in turn meant that I couldn't send it before I found out what was happening otherwise R (who is a fellow feline fan) will have been worried.
Needless to say, I didn't send it once I received the news; I sent a shorter, less playful one instead.
The original email is shown below:
Title:Bucky
"The balls of carbon, not the "wine".
I saw you had new stuff up so I had a wee rummage around your page (no, that's not stalkerish at all, shut up!) and saw the Buckminster Fuller group.
On wikipedia they quote him as describing the Model T Ford as an example of ephemeralization.
Oops.
Not such a visionary after all are we Mr Dome bloke! :oD
Also, Alvin Tollfer (the guy what writed a book that is called 'Future Shock') says it could lead to an over complication of society; and what would that do to everyone's chakras?
Bad things, that's what.
So, maybe, thinking about it, ephemeralization is stupid and so is my initial enthusiasm!
The group's love of triangles (which, as you may know, I share) is rather charming though so I might still join.
And I'm gonna find out more about this Tollfer bloke - he might not have invented any domes made out of triangles or inspired any hollow balls of carbon, but, unlike me, he knows a silly, short-termist idea when he sees one.
Also, how are you guys? :)
Jezebel is very poorly :(
I had to ram antibiotics down her throat against her will for a week and now I'm not her friend any more.
She's with the vet today for x-rays and stuff and they said that, in her condition, she might not react well to the general anaesthetic. So I'm extremely worried. I went to check on her when I got home from the vet, forgetting that I just left her with the vet. That made me feel lonely.
I went to the supermarket after the vet's and I went to buy catfood and thought I better wait and see. That very nearly had me blubbering in the isles.
Hence the manic, but fruitless, distraction hunting.
I've just realised that this might make you worried about her too, so I'm going to wait until the vet 'phones before I send it.
Meanwhile, if you don't mind, I'll keep wittering on about whatever's on my mind right now.
[time passes]
I only have the cat on my mind. I'm going to have to find something else to do. Besides, this email is far too long relative to the information content (see! I should have just said 'rambling', but no! I have to say all that stuff about information and then chastise myself for rambling verbosity (using the written word for some reason) which doesn't really help.)
I'd be rubbish at Twitter, wouldn't I :oD"
No comments:
Post a Comment